V Graham Norton Show Transcript October 31, 2003|
transcribed by Lucy, screencaps by Lucy
…Now, actually, I like it best when they dress up as a character from my
favourite films. Like that dishy Legolas in Lord of the Rings, or Will Turner
in Pirates of the Caribbean. I think I hear knocking again. And my wish has
come true, ladies and gentlemen it's Orlando Bloom!
Graham: Well done
you sir, very good!
[Orlando helps Graham out of costume] It's Orlando
everyone! [Orlando waves and sits down]
someone in audience] Nice hat!
excited (not sure if this was right difficult to catch) out there now aren’t
you? Woo, tell you! Ooh, no trick, just a treat! Just a Halloween treat! [to
Orlando] How are you?
Orlando: Good man,
how are you?
Graham: I’m really
well, really really well. Now, er, so, now, I’m so pleased you’re here because
how the God are you? You work, I thought I worked a lot. You work all the
Orlando: I know I’m
such a lucky boy aren’t I?
Graham: You, well,
lucky, but I mean are you thinking, because presumably at the beginning you are
thinking “God I’m really lucky, I’m just gonna keep going” –
Orlando: I’m still
thinking that actually.
Graham: Oh really?
Graham: And of
course, also, you’ve got this weird thing where for the last three years you’ve
just had the biggest film in the world coming out –
Orlando: I know.
kind of, doing very much.
having done three years of light work! [laughs]
Graham: Well yes,
ok, it took a long time.
Orlando: Yeah yeah.
No, it’s like Christmas every year for the last three years which has been
Graham: In the last
one, is Legolas, because in the middle one you had loads to do. It was like,
you know, it was –
Orlando: Did I?
Graham: Seems like
you were in a lot.
Orlando: I did,
didn’t I? I suppose. I had nice bits. Legolas is kind of that guy who just,
sort of, its more in what he does than what he says, you know? And, its, I
think the last third of any movie is always the most exciting to me, you know
its sort of, its sort of the conclusion of the whole tale. And I have a, I have
some nice moments. Pete really loved the, um, the response that the audience
gave to sliding down the stairs on the Uruk Hai shield, or flipping up onto the
Orlando: And um, so
he came up with something that which was basically gonna top all of that. And
he said it to me, he was like, he was like “Alright son, wait for this one!”
And, er, and I went out for three days of re-shoots and basically, was just
hanging on wires, and climbing up thing and swinging around. So it's gonna be
quite an extravagant thing because by the time they’ve cut me swinging on ropes
and flying all over the place in with the special effects that they do really
well for, at WETA digital, which is Peter’s company, it will be, it will be
killer. Well, I hope. I think, I’m sure. [crosses fingers]
Graham: Oh we know
its going to be!
Graham: Wouldn’t it
an awful shock if “Oh the first two were great-oh this one’s really bad!”
Orlando: What a let
Graham: No it
Orlando: No it
Graham: Now, did
you ever finish the book?
Orlando: Of course!
Yeah. Yeah yeah. I read it –
Graham: Did you?
Orlando: Yeah. It
was funny, I read it when I was a kid, but I didn’t get through it when I was a
kid, but obviously when I got cast in the role I was like “I gotta read the
book!” And it's killer, I mean it’s a great book to read, but it's one of those –
Graham: Is it?
Orlando: It's sort
of one of those books you can read over a summer holiday…
[Graham pulls doubtful face and audience laugh]
you’ve got nothing, when you’re at your Grandparents or something.
Orlando: No, it's
good, it's good. I mean, it's not for everyone but it's, it’s a world you can
really get lost in.
[Graham pulls face again, Orlando laughs]
Orlando: Maybe not
your cup of tea!
Graham: I’m liking
Yeah, yeah. Viggo particularly, yeah!
Graham: No, not at
all! Except, now, have you all seen the second one?
Graham: Now, am I
the only one who couldn’t understand a f*ing word that tree said?
Graham: Not a word!
Orlando: It’s a
tree! What do you expect?
Graham: A little
diction – [cuts off] Now, look at you. Magazines, magazines…
Orlando: Oh no,
you’re not going to pull out some of them.
Graham: No, you
are, no not…what?
Graham: Are there
magazines I could find?
Graham: We didn’t
find ‘em! No, you’re in Cosmo Girl, that isn’t you obviously, I don’t know who
that is. Who is that?
Orlando: Who is
Graham: Who is
that? Anyone know who that is?
[No response, then some laughter]
Orlando: Well, it
wasn’t me! [laughs]
Graham: Oh is it?
Is he from Busted? Oh, I think you’re right actually, I think yes, because this
was the shock right, in the 101 most wanted, right, it goes, that man from
Busted, right, is number one.
Graham: Ok, you can
sort of see it…
Orlando: Yeah, I
can see that. Yeah, he seems like a nice bloke.
number two. That man from Busted. You can sort of see it, right. Now, number
four, is you. Number four is you. There you are.
[Audience cheers, whistles and claps when Graham shows
a poster of Orlando]
Graham: Ooh! And
therefore, slightly unlikely that number three, was, that one from Busted!
[Audience laugh, Orlando laughs a little as Graham
pulls a funny face]
Graham: No disrespect! Er, it is Halloween, this very
night, ‘tis Halloween. If you haven’t done your pumpkin yet, we’ve got a
website which has some fantastic suggestions for how to do your pumpkin. The site is called extreme pumpkins and
these are good! You can see them down there on the screen.
Graham: Now, the
thing is, scariness, scariness, scariness is in the air –
Graham: Halloween! Do
you do anything for Halloween? No.
never, yeah, I mean, trick or treating maybe when I was a kid…
Graham: Make a
Watch a scary movie.
Graham: Do you, no
Orlando: I haven’t
really, I mean, when I was a kid a little bit, but not really. In America
they’re huge on it.
Graham: Ooh yes!
Ooh, now talking about being a kid, the last time you were here you had your
mum with you…
Graham: Do you, you
brought her to parties, you’ve flown her out to see Brad Pitt and everything.
Graham: Do you
bring your mum with you everywhere still?
Orlando: She sort
of comes along whenever she can and stuff, yeah, she loves it.
Graham: Well, I’m
sure that’s very well that she loves it, but kind of…cramps your style a bit,
kind of. This is my mother….
this is my mum! Yeah, I know, it probably does a bit, doesn’t it?
Graham: I mean she
seems a nice lady –
Orlando: Yeah, she
is, no she’s not there when I like…you know…
Graham: All right
anything important is happening.
Graham: Ok. Well,
with it being Halloween…
Orlando: Talking of
Graham: We’re going
to play, a scary little game now, its over here, so come with me as we play: Hammy
House of Horror.
with audience and a haunted house]
back! I’m here with Mr. Orlando Bloom! Yes I am! Now, er, I have to say, I’ve
got it written on a card, erm, the first time, because this is the third time
you’ve been on the show –
Orlando: I have,
I’m going to grow old watching the Graham Norton show, my progression over the
years! Old and grey!
Graham: I know,
this is the closest to dating I get! [Orlando laughs] You’ve been on three
times! I saw a man three times once! So, the first time you were on: 29
thousand websites dedicated to you. And we were all like “Oh my Goodness!” Last
time you were on, that had grown to 370 thousand. Right.
Graham: I’m here to
tell you now, there are 1 million, 10 thousand.
[Audience cheer, Orlando looks very shocked, then
covers his eyes]
Graham: I feel like
I’m reading the total for comic relief! [Orlando giggles] Lets check the total now! Isn’t
Orlando: That’s a…(not sure what he says, sounds like trip!)
Graham: But your
mum checks them all out, doesn’t she?
million of them, yeah (!) All of them, wow.
probably setting them all up! How hard is it to set up a website anyway?
Graham: I guess,
well I don’t mean to be rude, but we’re guessing, not that hard! [points to
card as evidence]
Graham: Well, no,
there can’t be 1 million incredibly clever web…
doing that. Now this one is called In Bloom, Orlando in Bloom.
Orlando: That makes
me really nervous…
Graham: So anyway,
basically, the topic was: I met Orlando at a party last year, right.
[begins to read the message board]
[one fan has written:]
I met Orlando at a party last year. He was sooo checkin me out. I’m
sick of u guys making out you have a chance…I know I’m going to get him
[Orlando starts laughing very hard!]
Graham: And then it
loser. Orlando don’t deal with shmucks. He bought me a Sex on the Beach
cocktail in LA. Nice cocktail!!!!!!!
[another fan] Sex on the beach whateverrrrr….and then you WOKE up.
[Orlando still laughing and clapping hands]
Graham: And then it
U 2 r so sad you
don’t know Orlando, I do, u r mingers
[Orlando does strange giggle]
Graham: And then
[first person] Ok lets do a test, if you are Orlando’s girl then
tell me what is his favourite vegetable? Answer now or admit you are a fake.
[fan responds] Eat shit Jessica, its carrot.
[Orlando starts laughing again]
Graham: And then:
You fake, you fake. I read in an interview that Orlando likes Broccoli best, u
r a loser u do not know Orlando eat shit and die!!!!!!
[Graham looks slightly worriedly at Orlando, who
shakes his head]
Orlando: Shall I
Graham: What is
your favourite vegetable? [Orlando giggles] We have to know now!
partial to a bit of spinach actually…
You know! I mean Popeye! [starts flexing muscles in arms, then rolls his eyes
as he is not sure what he is doing]
Graham: I wondered
what you were doing then!
Orlando: I don’t
know! I’m a bit freaked out by the web interest.
Graham: [in funny
voice] Yeah, you know nothing you’re a minger!
Graham: No, it's
sweet, it's sweet. [Orlando gives him funny look] And yet, I mean it's sweet for
us, but for you…vaguely disturbing
Graham: Now listen.
In part one, we saw that people are often scared of the silliest things….like a
hand in a glove. And one thing that seemed to bother everyone when they were
younger, was that thing of what’s under the bed. So, now is the time to be very
afraid. Because everyone has grown up, and we are about to have a look under
the bed. You will understand more in a second, so come with me as we play: Rot
game, then reaches end of show]
that’s it for tonight, thanks to my lovely guest Orlando Bloom!